Full Stops and Paragraphs: What Great Leadership Feels Like

Ehara taku toa i te toa takitahi, engari he toa takitini

My strength is not that of a single warrior, but that of many

This whakataukī framed the heart of our recent hui in Tauranga, where RTLB from across the motu had the privilege of learning from Brendan Spillane—an acclaimed Australian educator, speaker, and executive coach. It’s a reminder that leadership is not a solo journey. True strength in leadership is found in the collective—in connection, in care and in shared purpose.

Leadership that Breathes

As RTLB, our work is complex. We sit in the space between systems and people, behaviour and learning, challenge and change. Often, we move so fast responding to the needs around us that we forget to pause—to take a breath.

Brendan’s kōrero invited us to do exactly that.

He began by asking us to imagine a cup already full—overflowing with tasks, worries, and decisions. His question was simple: How can you pour anything meaningful into a full cup?

The message was clear: great leadership starts with making space. If we are depleted, we cannot offer clarity. If we are overwhelmed, we cannot offer calm. If we are constantly “on,” we cannot truly listen.

Brendan was also very clear that each and every one of us is a leader. Regardless of title or position, as RTLB we lead in schools, classrooms, in whānau hui, in team meetings, and through the relationships we build with others. Leadership, in his view, is about influence and presence—not hierarchy. It is how we show up, listen and respond that defines our impact.

Leading with Clarity and Care

Throughout the day, Brendan painted a picture of what great leadership feels like—not in theory, but in practice.

He spoke of leaders who make you feel safe enough to speak honestly. Leaders who are present enough to really listen. Leaders who model calm in the midst of urgency. These aren’t just technical skills—they’re relational cues. They signal trust, respect and care.

And in environments as relationally complex as ours, these cues matter more than ever.

Habits That Shape Culture

Brendan reminded us that culture isn’t something you have—it’s something you do. It’s built, moment by moment, in the small habits and choices that either connect us or isolate us.

What do these habits look like in practice?

• Saying thank you more than you think is needed

• Creating space where every voice is heard

• Admitting when you don’t have the answer

• Listening deeply, not to fix, but to lift

• Modelling humility—even in the smallest tasks

These are not grand gestures. They are quiet signals of trust. They are how we tell our teams, “You matter here.”

Feedback That Builds, Not Breaks

Brendan also shared the ACE model of feedback—Appreciation, Coaching and Evaluation. It’s a simple framework, but its power lies in intentional delivery.

• Appreciation – “Thank you, I learned from watching that…”

• Coaching – “What might work even better next time?”

• Evaluation – “Here’s where things currently stand.”

  
  

The invitation was to make appreciation felt—specific, authentic and timely. Because when people feel seen and valued, they grow.

Wellbeing as a Leadership Strategy

Perhaps Brendan’s most lasting message was this: Put your own oxygen mask on first.

It’s easy to dismiss as cliché—but for many of us, it struck a nerve. Too often, we stretch ourselves to the point where “going home” isn’t a reset—it’s just another shift.

He encouraged us to build “full stops and paragraphs” into our lives. Not just breaks, but boundaries. Spaces for reflection. Rituals that help us return to ourselves. Because the truth is: leaders who are well lead differently. They lead with perspective. They respond, rather than react. They remain grounded when others feel untethered.

Calm is Contagious

Drawing on the book Deliberate Calm (Brassey, de Smet & Kruyt, 2022) Brendan explored the power of self-awareness in leadership. He spoke about noticing your emotions without becoming them.

He reframed panic as something to observe, not absorb:

“I have the feeling of being out of my depth” is not the same as “I am out of my depth.”

Building these habits of reflection when things are calm helps us lead with clarity when things get hard. And in our mahi, things often do.

Leadership Is Shared

As we left the session, Brendan’s words stayed with us. They weren’t just professional development—they were personal. They reminded us that leadership is less about control and more about connection. Less about being right, and more about being real.

They affirmed that the most effective leaders are those who:

• Make people feel safe

• Create time to listen

• Own their humanity

• Care deeply, and lead gently

And they reminded us that none of us do this alone.

Returning to the Whakataukī

Ehara taku toa i te toa takitahi, engari he toa takitini.

My strength is not that of a single warrior, but that of many.

This whakataukī opened our day, and it’s how we’ll close this reflection. Because in a world that asks so much of us as leaders, it is our shared strength—our collective care and collaboration—that sustains us.

Let’s keep leading well, together.

Reference

Brassey, J., de Smet, A., & Kruyt, M. (2022). Deliberate Calm: How to learn and lead in a volatile world. Harper Business.

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