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I have recently been very inspired, after viewing a Ted-Talk by Drew Dudley on Everyday Leadership. He has reconceptualised my thinking on what true, authentic leadership actually entails. During his Ted-Talk, Dudley argues that authentic leadership is about creating lollipop moments for others. This is where leaders use words and/or actions that have a profound, positive and even life-changing impact on others. Dudley argues that this is often more important than undertaking the core roles of leadership, such as meeting specific goals and targets. Dudley argues that we have been sucked into the leadership idea of needing to ‘change the world’, with big actions and ideas. Dudley views this thinking as often detrimental to cultivating, authentic relationships that need to be developed incrementally, over time.
In his Ted-Talk, Dudley recalls his lollipop moment: how his action one day had a profound influence on a female, freshman (first-year) student. The female student was waiting in line at a university for class registration, at the start of the academic year. At that moment in time, she had significant anxiety and self-doubt about ever succeeding at university. She doubted her worth, wanting to escape. Then appeared Dudley with a whole range of lollipops, giving them out randomly to people in line. The lollipops were for a local charity he was supporting. He gave a lollipop to a male student in line and asked him to give it to the “beautiful student behind him”- this was the anxious, female student. Dudley made a few more wise-cracks which lightened the mood further. In that moment, the anxious female student didn't feel so alone, she changed her mind and made the decision to stay at university, persevering with study.
After graduating four years later, she met up with Dudley and told him about the profound impact that this early university experience had on her. The story had a fairytale ending as she ended up marrying that male student who'd been in line, in front of her. Dudley mentions in his Ted-Talk that he does not recall this initial experience, which surprised him but led him to the realisation that we can positively influence the lives of others, even if we don’t perceive it as a significant experience ourselves.
After viewing Dudley’s Ted-Talk and being inspired by his own real-life example, I wanted to trial this lollipop idea myself. I had an idea. I decided to show appreciation to my wife for everything she does for our whānau. I headed to the supermarket and bought some flowers (Lilies) and licorice. I explained my purchase to my teenage son who was in the car with me, on the way home. There was an awkward silence and then he said to me, “Dad, make sure you give it to mum when she is not telling you off.” I reassured him I'd get my timing right.
I opened the front door and as I greeted my wife I led with, “Dear, these flowers and licorice are for you. I appreciate everything you do for our whānau!” She really appreciated my gesture, thanked me and smiled. It set a positive tone for the rest of the night, and even the rest of the week. I'm challenging myself now to create other lollipop moments for her. I need to be creative! No pressure! It's those small, pay-it forward moments. I must admit, it wasn’t a profound, life-changing lollipop moment like Dudley’s. His lollipop moment was spontaneous and occured naturally. On reflection though, there is NOT a right or wrong way to go about things in creating lollipop moments. Listen to your gut instinct and do what you think is right. It’s also the thought that counts, right? The genuine intention behind the action? Just go for it!
I am very much sold on this idea of creating lollipop moments, it helps promote emotional contagion and is at the heart of promoting human connection and behavioural synchrony where we have opportunities to mimic emotions and body language with each other (Hatfield et al., 1994; Herrando & Constantinides, 2021). Giving another person a lollipop moment, and being a recipient of such action, is a brilliant way to keep us in our social engagement or window of tolerance zone, keeping our nervous system calm and regulated (Siegal,1999). Therefore, it is a biological imperative where it makes neurological and physiological sense. It is also the foundation of building a positive, compassionate, work-based culture, where whakawhānaungatanga is at the heart of leadership. Creating lollipop moments is essentially the antithesis of the Tall-Poppy Syndrome that unfortunately pervades our nation. We need more of these moments-individually, nationally and globally.
Too often, we get sucked into the perceived roles of leadership, which can be energy-sapping and all too time-consuming, moving us away from potential lollipop moments. As RTLB, you have the power to change things by creating your own genuine lollipop moments, by “hitting the emotional mark” with your colleagues and educators you work with. First, get to know how they tick and get to know them at more than a superficial level. Then, challenge yourself to promote true lollipop moments. Do it again and again....until it becomes a habit. You will then be exhibiting true, authentic leadership. But first, you may want to start (like me) in a safe way-with a whānau member or friend, testing the waters.
References:
Hatfield, E., Cacioppo, J. T., & Rapson, R. L. (1994). Emotional contagion. Cambridge university press.
Herrando, C., & Constantinides, E. (2021). Emotional contagion: a brief overview and future directions. Frontiers in psychology, 12, 712606.
Siegel DJ (1999) The Developing Mind. New York: Guilford.
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